Confession

It has been a long time since I have officially done a blog post, and I have a reason. Like most individuals either dealing with a disability or helping someone with a disability, I am in a serious battle with discouragement. Yes, it is a sin, and I have confessed it to God, many times, but now it is important to confess it to those who read my blog. I have spent a great deal of time striving to find my place in the work of encouraging churches to establish special needs ministries. I am also battling to get appropriate medical care for my own disability while trying to find employment that supports my family and is respectful of my limitations. I am grateful for the prayers of my wife, my children, family, and friends; however, there are so many times when I feel so alone. I can confess that it is easy to give up, but if God gives you something to do then that option seems to always ring hollow. The best example from God’s Word is from the life of Elijah.


Elijah is easily considered one of the most dynamic prophets of the Bible. The miracles that happened during his ministry ring out even to this modern day as an inspiration of faith. 1 Kings 19 begins with a glorious victory over the false god Baal, but it also shows that discouragement can ring a victory hollow in the ears of the victor. Elijah went from warrior to worrier shortly after hearing that his nemesis planned to “make your life as the life of one of them by this time tomorrow." Elijah quickly succumbed to the greatest tactic of the enemy which is to hit you at the top of your game when you are weakest from the fight. This is where I can see my fall too. For all the research, planning, and living for the dream, I fought without calling up back up. I battled solo, and any good soldier would tell you that that is no way to win the war. A victory may come, but chances are you are too depleted to reach success again. Elijah collapsed twice and required supernatural assistance before he ultimately came to the point of meeting God. It takes time to rebound, but the result should always lead to a point of meeting God.

At Elijah’s meeting, it is funny that All-Knowing God asks him, “What are you doing here?” I just love God’s rhetorical questions because they hit exactly where the problem is located. God wanted to see if He and Elijah were on the same page. Elijah gave his perspective that in all the work that he was called to do that no one listened and most important to him…he was the only one left. The same Elijah that was pleading for death was really running to God for his life! Many would label this as the “oh, woe is me” syndrome, but realistically Elijah was engaged in the believer’s first line of self defense when under spiritual attack which is to run to God. This is not unlike Peter when he was sinking into the waters of the Sea of Galilee. Both men had a breach in their faith to which the only good response is to seek out God. The great news is He is there all the time.

However, God may require some additional measures to help get everything into perspective. God wanted Elijah to meet Him again, but you could say that this test of spiritual sensitivity would confuse many today. It was not through miraculous winds, earthquake, or fire, but by the lightest whisper that God made His presence known. Elijah’s familiarity with the astounding works of God was now faced with the humbling fact that God can even talk to us in the most intimate way. The God who created the vast world that we know is powerful enough to whisper. For ones who feel lonely that is a really big deal!

The Bible does not go into specifics about what was whispered. Really, I would rather think that that was something personal between God and Elijah. However, the whisper was confirmation that God was with Elijah and that He had some work for him to do. The summary of that work was mainly showing Elijah that God was preparing people to defeat Jezebel and her cronies and that Elijah was heard and not alone in the covenant relationship with God. Elijah went on to do God’s work. The funniest thing was that God answered Elijah’s request for death with a resounding “NO” as He carried him off to His eternal presence. To anyone who reads this, it is proof that God will honor your prayers to Him but will only accomplish His work in your life.

So, you may ask, where am I? I will be honest and say that I am in the cave. I really desire to draw close to God, but I am still seeking that intimate whisper. I am active even as I seek God’s direction, but how my future looks is really stuck in the wisdom of God. At least I have cried out for His help, and I know He heard me. If you are reading this and are questioning whether to seek out to God or end it all, please choose God. All He will really do at first is bring you back into an understanding relationship with Him. After that He will bless you with the rest of the specifics. The cave is not half bad but not very comfortable to rest in either. He will very likely not blow the roof off, shake the foundation, or light up the night sky, but He is big enough to whisper in your ear. Pray that He will make you and me sensitive enough to listen.